I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
