can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
