can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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