Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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