respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
