he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
