i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I am available for nakedness
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
