fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
