Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
