May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
