He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
