I'm eating all of the evidence.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
