i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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