Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
