I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
