i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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