Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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