I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
