i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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