And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This is the high leading the old right now
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
