Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
