Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
