yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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