i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
