Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
