Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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