No more Irish car bombs ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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