Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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