are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
