FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
