Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
