I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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