bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize