I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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