There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
