i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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