I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
