Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
