I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
