there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
