Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
