how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
