Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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