He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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