I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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