I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
