I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
