i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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