just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
