i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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