you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
