I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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