she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
