3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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