Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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