part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
