At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
