Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
