how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
