isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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