jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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