i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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