you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
