yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
